SHOW 21 THURSDAY 23rd August
Fumes, fumes, fumes. I a, running on empty today. I have a broken tooth now. That’s new. The physical deterioration starts here. For the first time my voice feels raspy, I could have a cold brewing but I think it is general wear and tear. I order lunch at the city cafe I have to leave mid meal to meet a Flyerer who doesn’t turn up. I scuttle back to the city cafe to finish my meal in a hurry. I am now too close to my gig to digest my food in time. I down loads of coffee. I feel good but it doesn’t translate into genuine energy. My second brain has gone now, the second brain, you know the one that can strategise ahead and work out how to play the room in advance. That’s gone. Now I really am in the moment. I can’t think ahead. I think being in the moment is overrated as an experience. The good thing about being in the moment is being able to choose not to be in the moment if need be and think. If you are stuck in the moment due to brain deadness then that is not good.
I am tired and am actually mixing up clauses. Saying the opposite of what I intend. Did becomes didn’t. Hasn’t becomes has. Sometimes I correct them. Sometimes I judge it better to plough on and let the audience judge what I meant to say.
Much more goodwill and energy in the room today. Takes a while to get them on the boil. There is a loss of momentum between routines. This is my fault. I am almost coming out of character in between bits. Sometimes the bits really land when I accidentally do it right. Other times it is more scattergun.
I do try and play the room more today I think this works. But the delivery is bludgeoning it all over the place. Sledgehammer delivery. The nuance has gone. I am commanding the room more now but i am a bull in a china shop careering my way through the show. I had set out to switch some routines around in the last week to keep me on my toes. I am now switching them around involuntary which doesn’t really negatively effect the show but taxes my now limited brain power.
Life is a waste doesn’t build today. I don’t believe in it as an argument instead I am wading through a series of routines. Ditto millennials at the end. I don’t have the concentration to build it all up. Good will at end but no crescendo. A man walks out on the last routine. And woman sprints out as I leave the stage to avoid donating money. What do I have too do? They seemed to be enjoying it.
For your (and my) information the people who both walked out at the end returned minutes later to give me money explaining they were desperate for the toilet at the end. I often forget that audience members are real people with real lives outside my shows. They have their own needs, including the toilet, that exists independently of my own paranoia. While they may see comedians as well oiled comedic automotrons we too are guilty of seeing them as simple creatures devoid of any human expression except laughter and the immediate appreciation of our routines lest they hate us entirely. It is not healthy nor accurate to view them in this way. I endeavour to do better in the future people of the audience