A Piggy Interview WithAshley Haden (We all Die C*nts)

Performer: Ashley Haden
Photography by: Richard Hurley
Show: We all Die C*nts
Venue: Laughing Horse @ Harry’s Southside
Promoter: Indie
Online: Box Office Facebook Website


Tell me about your Edinburgh show.

This will be the final show of my Cunting Trilogy. I have spent the last three years trying to explain that we are not as nice as we think we are – as you can see by how the world is going. Not a lot of people are listening to me. So this is the final show where I will be holding nothing back. If people were awkward in the previous shows. They have seen nothing yet.


Tell me about your first gig.

My first gig was nearly seven years ago 11th August 2011 at the London open mic, The Lion’s Den. If was a five-minute spot where I was doing some of the most vanilla awful material about self-checkouts and getting x-rays done. It did not go well.


Do you have any rituals before going on stage?

I am not a fan of talking to people. I normally pace a bit. I very rarely stay still. I will have a couple of bevvies (Vodka and soda normally) and punch a wall a few times to get the anger flowing.


Tell me about your best and worst review.

My best review was for last year’s show “We are still all C*nts” it was from Three Weeks and they said “Haden is like a drunk, tortured, prophet of truth” Which is a mental thing to be called. The worst was when I was in the NATYS final in 2015. It was from Bruce Whateverhissurnameis and it started “Arthur Smith said someone will probably die tonight. Ashley Haden came closest.” It was my first and only big final and it was a bugger of a review.


During this Edinburgh run, do you plan to read reviews of your show?

Yes I reckon, It will either get me into a good mood or a foul mood. What I do not want is a 3 star review – anything else I am fine with really.


How do you feel about reviewers generally?

They are fine, as long as they are actually reviewers. What you don’t want is some uni smackhead coming to review you because they really like Bill Hicks so think they know comedy.


In April 2018, YouTube comedian, Markus Meechan (aka Count Dankula) was fined £800 for training his girlfriend’s pug dog to do a Nazi salute with its paw, in response to the phrase ‘Gas the Jews’. Do you believe Meechan committed a criminal offence, and why?  

He shouldn’t have been done for ‘gross offense’ He is a cunt. And we need to stop making excuses for the rise in hate. You will know why I think that if you come to the show.


Are there any subjects that are not suitable for comedy?

Plane food.


Have you ever gone too far?

I once went to zone 9 for a gig that I died on my hole at. In terms of comedy. No.


Looking back over your time as a comedian, tell me about the best gig of your career.

My first time at The Stand in Edinburgh or one of the gigs from last year’s show. These shows made me feel that there was a reason to do what I do.

Ashley Haden was talking to Wrigley Worm.

Published Sunday, June 24th, 2018

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