Lauren Stephen (THREE WEEKS)

Lauren Stephen moved to Edinburgh to work in the Lush soap shop. When the Fringe came around, Three Weeks let her go and review Rob Delaney. She said that he was “completely obsessed with sex” and talked of nothing but “toilet humour”. She gave him two stars and went back to work where, at least, there was plenty of soap to take away that unclean feeling.

It’s always difficult to assess a reviewer on the basis of one comedy review, so all I can really do is tell the story. Girl from soap shop goes to review internationally successful comedian, doesn’t like it. A badly-photocopied magazine prints her dislike for no money. Comedian carries on regardless. What is the point of any of this? Why are we even alive? Did we spring like maggots from old cheese? Is that all we are, we humans, in our little brief authority?

Sorry. Ahem. Actually I don’t much like Rob Delaney either. And I hate how I keep mixing him up with John Mulaney, and occasionally Gary Delaney, when he has nothing in common with either of them. I’m sorry. It just seems such a waste that Lauren Stephen, with her shiny silver button eyes, should leave nothing to the comedic reviewing canon except to say that Rob Delaney is very crude, which we all knew already. Is this all there is, Lauren? Is this IT? Talk to me.

Never mind. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you. Two cinnamon bath bombs and a small Lemon Zinger bar, please. Really? £12.60? Fuck me.

Billy Coconuts

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