Tony Challis

1star

Reviewed by Billy Coconuts. Review filed on Thursday, August 7th, 2014.

SCOTSGAY

tonychallis Tony Challis is so terrible at what he does that his reviews must be interpreted a line at a time, sort of like the lethal Monty Python joke. I will attempt it now with his review of Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall’s Alasdair Lists Everything, but be warned: this is weapon-strength stuff.

“Alasdair has a show which does not quite do what it says on the tin…” [He doesn’t really list everything. He only lists an hour’s worth of things each day.]

“Rather than listing, he states and states…” [States AND states!]   “…random items, some quite imaginative. Combing back hair/sleeping beside your father, was one sequence that stuck with me…” [Shame about the unnecessary comma]

“…Such things were uttered for an hour with no development…” [So it kind of ONLY does what it says on the tin?] “… Sometimes he got quite a few laughs…” [That’s good!] “… mainly from women…” [Oh right. Ew.] “Clapping for ever, until you die, he mentioned…” [For any real reason, sentence backwards?] “I didn’t do that.” [No, that is self-evident. Although…]

“A guy in the row in front of me listed to one side…” [Why have you suddenly gone all nautical, Tony? Or do you mean the man was also making a list, but to the side of Alasdair’s list?] “…rubbed his brow, seemed to be fighting sleep, and went out, but (loyally?)…” [You are right to question yourself] “…returned.
Alasdair never shouted, as he does on the poster…” [Have posters been shouting at you again, Tony?] “…but was laconic…” [Laconic means ‘using very few words’. Alasdair used very few words in a show where he ‘lists everything’?] “…almost shy-seeming…” [He seemed shy?  Or he was shy? Or did he ALMOST seem shy? Or almost was shy?] “…and sometimes paused, as though thinking of an ending for his phrase [Pussy!].

“No intro or talking to the audience as audience…” [As opposed to the audience as turnip], “…and he just walked off, smiling [NO. FUCKING. WAY. I hope you’re going to remark on the gall of this!]. “If I had the gall to do this…” [THANK you. And?] “As I left…” [So you’re really not going to finish that last sentence, then?] “…the woman collecting said, Thank you for sitting all through it…” [Did she really phrase it like that? She didn’t speak like, say, an actual person would?]

“Yet it could be redeemed; Alasdair has a surreal imagination and quite a well-stocked mind…” [Bold move going for the semi-colon after that phrase. Like shitting your pants at school and immediately announcing your candidacy for class president]. “If he actually got an act together, linked his material in some kind of system and related to his audience, he might become a passable stand up. [But this is performance art/stand up. You did bother to bear that in mind, right?]

“Go for it, feller!” [And after the hatchet job, he hugs the corpse.]

Billy Coconuts

 

Filed Under: 1 Star, Billy Coconuts, ScotsGay
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