“Hi Fringegoers! It’s Council Leader Adam McVey here! You know, Edinburgh City Council gets a rough deal from you Fringe guys for being buzzkills, but I have ‘no confidence’ in that idea! Here’s a few more rib-ticklers I’ve been using at City Chambers lately!”
Why did the chicken cross the road? This won’t be possible as the road is closed until the completion of the St James Centre redevelopment in 2020.
What’s the difference between a dog and a monkey? Edinburgh Council recognises and celebrates difference and aims to deliver year-round quality of life to all citizens, dogs and monkeys. We aim to balance the needs of all citizens, dogs and monkeys within the context of a unique world-heritage environment. Pay your council tax or I will f*cking f*ck you up.
Why didn’t the viper vipe ’er nose? Because the shop selling tissues had been turned into low-quality student accommodation.
A penguin walked into a bar and said “Has my brother been in?” The man behind the counter said “I don’t know. This building is no longer a bar but low-quality student accommodation. Which cupboard does he live in?”
How do you get two whales in a mini? This will not be possible due to bylaws governing loading and unloading within the inner city thoroughfare.
How do you get to Wales in a mini? Not via the St James redevelopment at the top of Leith Walk, at least until 2020. Actually make that 2021.
How do you get two whales in a tram? I am not prepared to keep discussing the trams. It’s time we drew a line under them and moved on. As you well know, the trams do not reach the docks at Leith and therefore the whales will die. I take no responsibility for that. Our transport bylaws are very clear.
What do you say to a man with a lump hammer and a large chequebook who wants to turn a historic Georgian edifice into low-quality student accommodation? “When can you start?”
What sort of steps should you take if you meet a rabid alligator?
Ones that circumvent the St James redevelopment,
due for completion in, let’s say, 2025.
There was an old man of Pilrig
Who loved to dance a fine jig.
So he picked up his fiddle, And headed off to the middle
Of town, where he became subject to a performance permit costing £1200
There was a sick girl fae Corstorphine
Who died and was put in a coffin
But her cortege reversed When the poor lassie’s hearse
Got caught in severe congestion along Clerk Street as a result of the St James Centre redevelopment which is due finish in 2052 at the VERY LATEST.
That’s all the fun I’ve got time for, Fringe pals. Listed buildings don’t knock themselves down!